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Skit "There is no such thing as a free lunch"
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Skit: "There's no such thing as a free lunch"

By Roland Lewin
Dos Pueblos High School
Goleta, California
(adapted from a story written in a textbook in the 1980's)

Narrator: Once upon a time there was this young man (woman), eighteen years old, who had just been appointed king (queen) of his (her) country. S/he was thinking about what was happening in the world:

  • violence
  • crime
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • unfair distribution of resources
  • pollution
  • schools lacking adequate resources
  • unequal opportunity for education
  • discrimination, racism
  • expensive health care
  • wars

Somehow s/he thought all this may relate to economics. So s/he assembled together all of the nation's top economists...

King/Queen: (addressing class of top economists) Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard that economics is all about how nations make decisions about how to allocate their scarce resources to satisfy their unlimited wants and needs. We all want our country and our world to be filled with people who are happy, healthy and prosperous. Is it possible that we have problems because we have made some bad decisions?
Since I will be the leader of this country, I want to know all there is to know about economics to enable me to make sound decisions. You (pointing to all of class) have been selected because you are the top economists of our country. Your job is to teach me all there is to know about economics. (with feeling) Can you do this? Is there one of who can act as spokesperson?

(The leader stands and approaches the king/queen)

Leader: Yes, your majesty. But we will need some time.

Narrator: The top economists formed committees and worked furiously towards their goal. They wrote down everything there was to know about economics. Ten years later they returned to the king/queen:

Leader: Your highness, here (point to 30 textbooks) is everything you wanted to know about economics in 30 volumes.

King/Queen: Thank you for your efforts, but we are in the midst of a great war. I don't have time to read 30 volumes, can you condense your work?

Narrator: The economists gasped in unison. (If your classmates don't take their cue, say: "I said the economists gasped in unison.") Nevertheless, the top economists returned to their work. Fifteen years later:

Leader: Your highness, here is everything you wanted to know about economics--in ten volumes.

King/Queen: Thank you for your efforts, but as you know our country has been rocked by an earthquake. I have to ensure the safety of our people. I don't have time to read ten volumes. Can you condense it?

Narrator: There were murmurs amongst the economists. Nevertheless the economists formed committees again. They persevered and ten years later...

Leader: Your highness, we have condensed everything you wanted to know about economics into (hold up one of the textbooks) one volume.

King/Queen: Thank you. However, there has just been a nuclear explosion. I don't have time to read even one volume. Can you condense it?

Narrator: Fifteen years later the economists returned once again...

Leader: Your highness, we have managed to condense everything there is to know about economics into one paper.

King/Queen: Thank you for your wonderful efforts. However, as you know, the country is in the midst of civil riots. I don't have time to read one paper. Can you condense it?

Narrator: Whispers of dismay emanated from the economists. Nevertheless, the economists went back to work on their project. Three years later they were summoned to visit the king/queen, who was on his/her deathbed.

King/Queen: Ladies and gentlemen, I still want to know everything there is to know about economics. As you can see I do not have much time left. Can you condense everything there is to know about economics into one sentence?

Narrator: The room was filled with gasps, murmurs and whispers. The economists quickly huddled together. Almost as quickly, the leader emerged from the huddle and approached the king/queen.

Leader: Your highness, everything there is to know about economics can be reduced to this: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH.

King/Queen: I understand, thank you. (Now act out the death scene)

THE END